Getting it Write: The Bowel Story or Never Trust Grammar Checkers

Never trust automated editing software. Spell and grammar check are great tools, but a professional writer can not depend on them. Proofing every word is part of the craft and should be done as if Spell Check did not exist. I recommend printing and reading the copy far away from the computer. Ignore this advice and this may happen to you.

Back when I was an undergrad at Wayne State University in Detroit, I wrote my first play, "Winter Sunrise," and entered it into the writing contest help each year by the English Department. It is the heartbreaking story of the struggle between a father and a son that has their family in tatters. The father desperately wants to give family farm to his son, but the son wants to be an artist and hates the father for trying to keep him down.

I wrote the play, proofed it and sent it to many, many places. I went over and over the script on the computer making sure there were no mistakes. I relied on Spell Check for spelling and Grammar Check for wrong word usage. 

The play won the very prestigious award from the English Department at Wayne State, and they invited me to come and do a reading. I picked the pages and prepared it for the reading. When I arrived at the ceremony, everyone was surprised I was a woman. My first name is Cynthia. They assumed I was a man because I wrote very well about tractors, they explained. A guy named Cynthia?

Plays function by concretizing emotions and translating them into actions. In the play, the son is famous in his hometown for doing intricate carving. When the son was ten, for his father’s birthday he made a carved bowl with the scene of a winter sunrise over their farm because the Dad loved to watch the sunrise. The son was proud of it and certain he finally did something his Dad would love and subsequently would love him. The father, a man of taciturn disposition, said nothing about the bowl. He glanced at it, set it down and said, “Let’s have cake.” It was never seen again. The son believed his Dad threw it out. It was the start of the rift between them. In the penultimate scene between father and son, the father reveals he still has the bowl and has treasured it through the years.

Needless to say, the bowl plays a significant part in the story. 

At the ceremony, I'm at the podium and begin reading one of the bowl scenes. Glaring at me from the page like vibrating neon mountains is the word bowel over and over and over again:

"What did he do with my bowel?"

"I worked hard on that bowel."

"It took me months to carve that bowel."

“Carving a sunrise on a bowel….”

It goes on. Needless to say, I froze and my face reddened. I made it through the ordeal by verbally correcting the word and fighting the urge to laugh at what I was actually reading; a discussion of an intricately carved bowel. The mental images alone were enough to have you on floor howling. I also fought the urge to cry because all the English professors in the room read about the bowel.

Unable to enjoy my accolades at the wine reception thinking of all the artistic directors out there reading about the intricately carved bowel; as soon as possible, I raced home and checked the rest of the script. I hoped against hope that it was only in one scene. No. Every single occurrence was spelled bowel; my only comfort being I was consistent. 

Wait--will they think I really meant bowel!

The word bowel is not spelled wrong, so spell check didn't catch it. Grammar check didn't catch it because bowl and bowel are both nouns. I used bowel correctly in every sentence. A story about a son who intricately carves a winter sunrise on a bowl for his father is one thing; a story about a son who does the same thing on a bowel is a different story completly. It leads to all sorts of questions. What kind of bowel was it? How was it obtained? How was it preserved? Can you carve on a bowel?

I will never know which play they read.

Ever since, I always print my scripts, let them set for a day and take them to another location and read them with a blue pencil in hand. I will never trust an automated editor.

The Bottom Line

You have to know your grammar. You have to know your punctuation. If you are not good at these, find out what you have to do to make yourself good and make that part of your process.

The next, "Getting it Write," post, will cover techniques for tackling this issue.

Please leave comments below or discuss the topic on g+

Busting the Blues: Tips for Writing Through the Bad Times

We all go through ups and downs in our lives that make it difficult to be creative--money, love, family, friends.  Here are some tricks that have helped me and others work through them.

Finish Something

Finishing something makes you feel good.  So, if you need a pick-me up, try a simple project that you can complete quickly.  I like to write villanelles, a form of poetry, because I find them challenging, fun and I can share them easily with my writer and non-writer friends.  It doesn’t need to be a poem, though.  It can be a small needle point, a puzzle, a drawing, a paint-by-numbers, a cake, a page in a color book; when I was a kid I had a small music box I liked to take part and put back together. 

Here are the qualifiers for this project:

• you know how to do it, but it’s not a cakewalk
• you like it, but don’t hold it dear
• you can show it to others and say, “Look what I did!”
• you can complete it without going to the store to purchase elaborate supplies

Let me explain further.  Most of my writing is dramatic or non-fiction prose and I write free verse poetry.  A villanelle is a wickedly difficult nineteen line poem with a strict rhyme scheme and entire lines are repeated at strict intervals, so I have to work at them.  When I finish one, I have real sense of accomplishment. The format lends itself to humor, so the finished product often makes people laugh;  an added bonus to dispersing the blues.  Since I know I how difficult it is to write a very good villanelle, I’m happy just finishing it and have no emotional investment beyond that.  All I need to do it is a pen, a piece of paper, and my wits.

Take a Karaoke Break

I discovered this one on accident.  When my day job became stressful and I couldn’t seem to think straight, a friend of mine dragged me to a Karaoke Bar.  I’d never Karaoked before and didn’t plan to sing.  Well, after I performed my fifth song, I noticed I felt lighter, happier.  And I found after that I could concentrate better; the ideas were flowing again and I had the energy to use them.

You may think this one should be, Try Something New, and this is also a good way to break out, but I did a little research on this and specifically Karaoke is good for you.  Studies show that moving rhythmically to musically, especially with others, releases the right chemistry in the brain to make you feel good.  Singing while moving rhythmical to music releases even more of the good chemicals.

I recommend a Karaoke place where you can stand and sing and have room to move; one with a stage is even better.  To really reap the benefits, do some sing-a-long songs like Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody,” or Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Pray.”  Invite a friend or total stranger to sing with you.

Walk Away

Taking a walk or run or doing some kind of physical activity can give you an extra boost.  If you are under deadline pressure, taking the time to do this may seem counter-productive, but it’s not.  Try it.  I have a great story to illustrate this, but it will make the blog post to long.  

Hit the Road

When I’m working on something complicated and my brain doesn’t want to focus, it only wants to think about my troubles, I’ll go on a road trip.  I’ll write in several different location.  In New York, I’d walk down Broadway and stop at various coffee shops.  Sometimes I stay for an hour, sometimes 15 minutes; depends on how long I stay engaged.  When the negative thought start sneaking under the door, I move.

Moving to new places gives you a feeling of progress.  It may start as a false feeling of progress, but can turn it real progress.  Something like feel it to make it real, I don’t know.   If things start to flow in a certain location, stay there.

Make a Plan, Stan, and Set Achievable Goals, Joels

I always feel calmer when I have a plan.  It can be a plan for finishing the project or a plan for making time to finish the project.  Keep the plan simple; don’t get carried away with how you make the plan--no spreadsheets or elaborate post-it systems.  It can be a simple list of actions or a simple schedule.

It’s important the plan be realistic and contain small achievable goals.  When you are down, it’s better to go a little easier on yourself so the goals can be achieved.  Saying, “I WILL write for two hours every morning, gash darn it!” when 30 minutes is more realistic; only sets you up for failure.  This will make you feel worse.  Ask yourself, “What can I do?”  Then set your goals slightly lower.

To be honest, making a plan has always helped me, but I’ve had little success with the goal setting part.  It’s a mental game I’ve never been good at playing, but that doesn’t mean it won’t work for you.  You may have a different relationship with goals then I do.

Give Up

I hesitated including this one because it could be misunderstood and maybe unique to me, but it is one that helps me consistently.

Give up.  I mean really give.  Admit to yourself you can’t do the project.  Throw an all-out, paper-tearing fit on how you can’t do the project--scream, yell, throw the couch cushions.  As soon as I do this, ideas start to flow fast and furious and the way to tackle the project becomes clear.  

Please be careful with this one.  Don’t destroy anything you don’t have backed up in some way.  Don’t hurt yourself.

Dealing with the Feelings

Weather it’s finances, love, career or family; the stress in your life is caused by how you feel.  If you deal with those feelings, it may lessen the stress.  Even if you are not a writer, write what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it.  Remember, no one needs to see it.

If the stress is caused by a person, write them a letter and tell them about it.  DO NOT SEND THE LETTER.  It will not make you feel better--I guarantee it.  In fact, it’s a good idea to do this type of writing with pen and paper and not on a computer.

Take the Medication

Many people who are drawn to creative fields suffer from some type of “mood disorder” as they call it these days.  Very often it is the one I suffer from where you go through high productive periods (manic) followed by low periods where can’t do anything and don’t care if you do or don’t (depressive).  They don’t like to call it manic/depressive anymore because of the many forms this condition can take.  In my case, the cycle is caused by a sleep disorder that changes my brain chemistry.  If I follow my prescribed sleep schedule, I’m fine.  For the doubters out there, what I’m talking about is not normal ups and downs.  The highs are euphoric accompanied by superhuman productivity; and they are just as disruptive to your creative process as the lows.  The lows are soul numbing and in some cases physically painful.  If you experience this cycle, I urge you to seek help from your doctor or therapist.

If you do have a “mood disorder” and are recommended medication, take the medication.  I have seen many people struggle with this because they are afraid the medication will take away their creativity.  It won’t.  What it does is allow you to eliminate the parts of the high and low that are chemical.  You will think more clearly because you’re not fighting the false anxiety that often manifests itself as cycling thoughts; a tell-tale sign of the disorder.  

Sure, you won’t have those super human bursts of mental energy where your brain seems to function at 2XLightspeed, but you will be able to work consistently to deadlines without putting yourself into a “state.”  You’ll find your creative powers are more readily engaged and stay engaged longer.  You’ll probably discover, as I did, that you don’t do your best work during those highs

I recommend that you find a psychopharmacologist or psychiatrist to work with you because they have the most experience with mood medications.  It has been my experience that regular doctors often prescribe doses that are too high increasing the side effects without the benefits.

If you have any questions or comments, you can leave them below, or on my Discussion Boards.

Where to Begin?

At the beginning.